Descent

Day 6, it being the morning after day 5. During Monday evening I started to detect changes in my behaviour and mood. These were more evident last night.

I have become irritable, impatient, over-sensitive, picky, snappy, grumpy. Ill logic turns the playful banter between myself and H into perceived bullying (I am the non-victim of someone who is not victimising me). What would simply be having a different point-of-view verges on the need for an argument.

On returning from work, I spent a few quiet minutes upstairs, short enough to not be missed, long enough to shed a single quiet tear and regain my control. Later on that evening, I did something that made H smile, which in turn made me cry.

H suggested we practice making babies and, to add to my misery, my normally limitless libido was non-existent. When we did go to bed I curled into a ball and felt so alone. It would have been easy to ask for a hug, instead I laid there thinking self-destructive thoughts until I eventually fell asleep.

Is this a side effect of the change in dose or is this the real me being uncovered?

Am I feeling different, or am I just truly feeling for the first time in months?

Can I break through this or will it break me?