Exercising / Exorcising
Drugs of choice:
40mg Fluoxetine
8mg Acrivastine (definitely required)
Wish You Were Here (Pink Floyd, Atmosfear Trance Remix)
Bacon and Eggs
'Broke' has been writing about exercise and its effect, both positive and negative, on his depression lately. It's a topic that is close to my heart (or close to my mind, perhaps) as I always feel a positive boost when I have the opportunity to go out cycling.
Yesterday was one such time. As I had to drop off my old company car, rather than mess about with lifts or whatever, I put my bike in the boot and cycled the 22 miles home. The weather was good, not too hot but perhaps a little too windy, so it was hard work. My bike is nothing special, but it is at least set up to do better on road than most others who struggle on mountain bikes. Road tyres make such a difference, and while I'm not particularly fit, you feel like the strongest man in the world when you go zooming past another cyclist. Your mind clears itself of the humdrum and you can either focus on nothing but pushing the pedals or on the big issues that otherwise get clouded.
About 5 miles of my journey is on a busy, fast dual carriageway. There is no cycle path, just a few feet between me and the arctics doing 56mph or cars doing 90+. It occurred to me just how easy it would be to die out there. A quick swerve and I could be under the wheels of a lorry. Nobody would suspect it was suicide (until now, anyway, damned blog) so there would be no worries over whether my dependants received insurance payments. So it's a good thing that I feel positive during such rides.
Mind you, the last 6 miles became bloody painful. Tired legs, sore backside. Too much drinking and eating during the honeymoon.
There is a detrimental effect, though. Last night I was tired, even more tired than usual. When I get tired I tend to get grumpy and by about 10pm I was downright miserable. I decided I wasn't going to come into work this morning, instead I was going to sulk and wallow.
For some reason I changed my mind when I woke up, probably fear of worrying or upsetting H. I'm glad I did, my mental state cannot be ruled by my energy levels, for that is a dangerous spiral. I have come into work, I will get better.
Such resolve was tested while 'desk skiving'. This beautiful post on a Beautiful Revolution nearly made me cry, it certainly made me dizzy.
40mg Fluoxetine
8mg Acrivastine (definitely required)
Wish You Were Here (Pink Floyd, Atmosfear Trance Remix)
Bacon and Eggs
'Broke' has been writing about exercise and its effect, both positive and negative, on his depression lately. It's a topic that is close to my heart (or close to my mind, perhaps) as I always feel a positive boost when I have the opportunity to go out cycling.
Yesterday was one such time. As I had to drop off my old company car, rather than mess about with lifts or whatever, I put my bike in the boot and cycled the 22 miles home. The weather was good, not too hot but perhaps a little too windy, so it was hard work. My bike is nothing special, but it is at least set up to do better on road than most others who struggle on mountain bikes. Road tyres make such a difference, and while I'm not particularly fit, you feel like the strongest man in the world when you go zooming past another cyclist. Your mind clears itself of the humdrum and you can either focus on nothing but pushing the pedals or on the big issues that otherwise get clouded.
About 5 miles of my journey is on a busy, fast dual carriageway. There is no cycle path, just a few feet between me and the arctics doing 56mph or cars doing 90+. It occurred to me just how easy it would be to die out there. A quick swerve and I could be under the wheels of a lorry. Nobody would suspect it was suicide (until now, anyway, damned blog) so there would be no worries over whether my dependants received insurance payments. So it's a good thing that I feel positive during such rides.
Mind you, the last 6 miles became bloody painful. Tired legs, sore backside. Too much drinking and eating during the honeymoon.
There is a detrimental effect, though. Last night I was tired, even more tired than usual. When I get tired I tend to get grumpy and by about 10pm I was downright miserable. I decided I wasn't going to come into work this morning, instead I was going to sulk and wallow.
For some reason I changed my mind when I woke up, probably fear of worrying or upsetting H. I'm glad I did, my mental state cannot be ruled by my energy levels, for that is a dangerous spiral. I have come into work, I will get better.
Such resolve was tested while 'desk skiving'. This beautiful post on a Beautiful Revolution nearly made me cry, it certainly made me dizzy.
posted by Anonymous at 08:55
1 Comments:
To a non-cyclist 22 miles sounds like a long way.. a very long way..
Interesting about the dual carriageway - I always feel for cyclists when I see them on nightmare roads - actually it's probably that perceived danger which puts me off cycling. Odd that, for a periodically suicidal individual - you'd think that, logically, I'd be pedalling down the by-pass night and day.. But no - Ah, the wondrous complexities of being human. Or something.
I feel the same as you when it comes to tiredness and mood. Tired=desperate. Hence, I must go to bed NOW.
take care
B
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