Chemical Imbalance

H has smoked for 12-odd years, not heavily (perhaps 5 or 6 a day) but consistently. And then she stopped. It is amazing how similar her reaction to this is to my reaction to trying to reduce my anti-depressant intake. Within a week she is showing symptoms of depression, with the same illogical interpretations of her feelings that I had of mine.

Nicotine withdrawal makes you feel empty – hungry even if you don't really need to eat. This is not conducive to efforts to fit into a wedding dress, which does nothing for self-image, confidence and enthusiasm. Today has been a day of tears and anger.

So it was my chance to pay back a small amount of the debt I owe to her for her support when I had my breakdown. I talked her through her feelings, told her the reality that conflicted with her perception. And I made sure that she knew that I loved her.

After a session of this and some quiet reflection, she has made a very honest and sensible decision. Trying to quit smoking completely during a time of stress is not the right thing to do. Instead, she is going to cut down significantly. No more smoking during the day, no smoking in-front of anyone other than me. For the next fortnight I will 'allow' her 3 cigarettes per day, then reduce to 2.

We cycled to the shops and bought a packet of cigarettes. She feels more confident – she is going in the right direction and now more controlled.

I'm proud of her. I love her so much.