A year ago today...
Today was the first anniversary of the day I 'walked out' on my ex-wife. No point mincing words. Saying we 'broke-up' or 'separated' would suggest a joint action. And while I know there was a steady decline and all the signs of breakdown had been there for years, never mind months, to my ex-wife it was a sudden break.
I'm sure I could have handled things better, for years I kept my feelings bottled up and my life became a patchwork of lies, mostly small with one or two big ones in there for dramatic effect.
It was a sudden realisation that beneath all those lies was one truth, I no longer loved her. As soon as I realised that then it was too late to change and my heart was heading for someone new.
The toughest thing was walking out the front door and leaving behind my two children. No, 'leaving behind' doesn't quite fit. That suggests that they are no longer part of my life, but they most definitely are. Seeing my daughter cry (my son was too young to understand) was agony, like something plucking my heart from my chest. I love them both completely and make sure I see them whenever I can. That equates to daily phone calls, weekly meals out, fortnightly visits and fortnightly overnight stays. On those occasions that I see them then the rest of my life is suspended, they are the focus of all my attention and, in a strange way, I feel closer to them than ever before.
I was not a good husband but I was, and still am, a good father. Life has given me a second chance at the former, and in just under 14 weeks I will start being the best husband I can be, but that’s another entry to the blog, not this one.
I'm sure I could have handled things better, for years I kept my feelings bottled up and my life became a patchwork of lies, mostly small with one or two big ones in there for dramatic effect.
It was a sudden realisation that beneath all those lies was one truth, I no longer loved her. As soon as I realised that then it was too late to change and my heart was heading for someone new.
The toughest thing was walking out the front door and leaving behind my two children. No, 'leaving behind' doesn't quite fit. That suggests that they are no longer part of my life, but they most definitely are. Seeing my daughter cry (my son was too young to understand) was agony, like something plucking my heart from my chest. I love them both completely and make sure I see them whenever I can. That equates to daily phone calls, weekly meals out, fortnightly visits and fortnightly overnight stays. On those occasions that I see them then the rest of my life is suspended, they are the focus of all my attention and, in a strange way, I feel closer to them than ever before.
I was not a good husband but I was, and still am, a good father. Life has given me a second chance at the former, and in just under 14 weeks I will start being the best husband I can be, but that’s another entry to the blog, not this one.
posted by Anonymous at 20:33
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